53. Fri 14/4/17: La Fabrica, Seville, Spain

Beer: Cruzcampo 5%

Another old market hall turned into an overpriced glitzy food and drink… market.

This, however, is home to another Cruzcampo Origen tank pub! Look, see, the tanks overhead?!

And it’s alright. Tastes better than the bottled stuff we had over the river. Perhaps it is better. In any case the Origen glasses look different – and the allusion that this is something new and improved does pique the interest in idiots like me. They may have a point… on the other hand, this could be an exercise in turd polishing.

This market though… it’s one for your millennials, it's virtually imploring us old farts to depart. We’re reasonably happy to oblige.

79. Tue 18/4/17: Taberna Tirso de Molina, Madrid

Beer: San Miguel 5%

Our local pub – two minutes from our flat. Again this is a darkly lit, dark wood (certainly darker than the ubiquitous brown in British boozers) – but not evoking Bavaria this time, rather the Nineteenth Century Paris of Toulouse Lautrec… apologise, sometimes ones CSE Grade 4 Art training just kicks in. Art Nouveau is it? Not sure how/where that succeeds or falls – but there are faint touches of grandiose, from stained glass windows to ceilings bedecked with chandeliers and mirrors.

Maybe where it does succeed is in that the décor doesn’t render the bar any more or less poncey than any other fairly decent bar on the corner of a city centre square.

A sign in the pub suggests that they’ll be screening Leicester v Atletico a little later. Not sure why we’re bothered, but we decide to pop by and have a look. When the football does start, the hostelries of Madrid are screening Real v Bayern, being played just up the road, en masse (including this place, so we don’t stay).

345. Thu 15/3/18: Café Salon Bahia, Cádiz

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%
Another quietly innocuous bar away from the throng. The telly piques interest in this place though, as Viktoria Plzeň are beating Sporting Lisbon in the Europa League. They’re 2-0 up, 2-2 on agg… extra-time…

The bar is reasonably quiet, but has eight fruit machines – which gives the place the feel of a Czech Herna bar. It’s not as dingy as that, mind, although the array of tapas on display looks a little forlorn.

Sporting score an away goal on 105 minutes. Booo.

It’s not really our cue to leave, but we do anyway. It’s our last evening in Cádiz and, though we’re a little fatigued anyway, the little bars at the station end of the old town haven’t really been brilliant.

Cádiz, though, is an excellent, laid back little city – which we’ve thoroughly enjoyed.

81. Tue 18/4/17: Restaurante Asador, Madrid

Beer: Mahou 5%

Last bar of the evening is a small standard tapas bar on the square; nothing much to say for or against it. There are some nice hanging plants over the window and bar. The gratis tapas are a very acceptable variety of green olive. The beer is served in chalices. The beer is Mahou.

I have vague recollection of Real Madrid v Bayern Munich on the telly – and our not really wanting to watch it; and our looking for the bar advertising their screening Leicester v Atletico (and our, oddly, giving a toss) and our not finding it, and going back to our flat instead. We’re tired.

334. Wed 14/3/18: Tabanco El Pasaje, Jerez de la Frontera, Spain

Beer: Alhambra 5.0%

With the sea apparently too rough for the ferry to El Puerto de Santa Maria (lightweight Iberians, no wonder they lost at Trafalgar), we go on an excursion to Jerez on the train. Big sherry destination Jerez, of course, although you wouldn’t think it in this drab, rainy, weather.

As with many old towns, the centre is quite a trek from the station – and from there, we pop along to the tourist information – on to an underwhelming cathedral – and decide against the Tio Pepe tour. We really don’t do/know sherry. We don’t do flamenco either, not really, so are well out of our depth when we eventually get to Tabanco El Pasaje; the quintessential sherry/flamenco establishment according to the Jerez specific “10 best bars” bumph we got off The Guardian or some such.

It’s a fantastic place, naturally. We feel obliged to sample the sherry but, again, we have no idea; we order different varieties, sip away, make quiet self-conscious “yeh, s’nice” noises… and then the artsy folk up by the tiny little stage start on the flamenco.

And it’s spectacular too – especially the lass doing the dancing and clapping and that. She’s petite, pretty and terrifying… staring out to the audience like she wants to smash our teeth in. Isn’t it a bit early for that much concentrated duende?

We are out of our depth. We stay for another drink – but it's beer for us. We’re lousy tourists with very little understanding of what’s on offer. Our appreciation, my notes cackhandedly suggest, is akin to one who visits the Louvre and appreciates the painting of the skirting boards. We don’t know what we’re dealing with – fascinating though it undoubtedly is.

    

340. Wed 14/3/18: El Serrallo, Cádiz

Beer: San Miguel 5.0%

We watch the second half of the football (Barcelona 2-0 Chelsea) in this bar, a couple of doors down and nearer the fountain in Plaza Mentidero.

It’s a San Miguel bar, which is nice. Steph, untypically, has been moaning about Cruzcampo minutes earlier… frankly though, there are odd times when even this beer starts going down quite nicely after the first couple. This seems like one of those nights.

Messi scores again.

Clientele, made up of aged old fellas, sat on round tables at the end of the bar where the telly is, murmur muted appreciation. I’m bored of this meaningless megla-millionaire football.

They all disappear as soon as the match ends, but we sit and discuss relative values of Cádiz compared to Seville. It seems decidedly more laid back here, which is nice. I’m not entirely sure we’ll be coming back soon – but it’s a lovely place.

 

355. Sat 17/3/18: Café Central, Seville

Beer: Paulaner Hefe-Weissdier 5.5%
The over friendly bloke who arrived (late) to show us our apartment was, as they tend to be, something of a tour guide – marking places on the map that we should go to/see. We explain that, though we’ve been to Seville a number of times, we’ve never really explored the Macarena area. He points out an excellent tapas bar near Alameda de Hércules, which has prompted this Saturday afternoon expedition in inclement conditions. We’re bedraggled and miserable – but find the place. It looks awful. It looks like a TGI joint, an “all you can eat” diner or summat.

But it’s pissing down. We’re cutting an increasingly forlorn smear through what seems like a potentially trendy area; and Café Cental (the next port in a strorm) seems quite a trendy bar. We don’t feel we belong. It’s way too young and cool for us – but not achingly/archingly so. It’s nice and relaxed, and the beer is very nice – and only twice as expensive as the local brew.

We have a couple. We discuss whether this place (and possibly Alameda de Hércules in general) is another gay bar (in the gay area). We’re not sure. We don’t care. We’re too damp to care (and not in a sexy way). We think on going somewhere closer to our digs – somewhere closer to our budget, and back amongst our trendless aged demographic.

31. Sunday 090417: Bodeguita La Mar de Bueno, Malaga

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%

Bar with a shellfish counter. We’ve been to Malaga a number of times and this is a great concept, which we’ve never taken full advantage of… but buying the prawns/langoustine etc is difficult for the non-Spanish speaker.

The service is rather brusque, and they’re ready to close at 4.30pm

We’re served Cruzcampo in nice glasses which state “Cruzcampo Gran Reserva”, to which my notes disparagingly suggest, though they’ve attempted to polish a turd, still tastes like s***. Bit rude that. Cruzcampo isn’t my favourite lager, but on occasion it can be disarmingly refreshing.

I was probably a bit miffed at feeling hurried and/or frustrated that I couldn’t order a serving of great big crab legs.

48. Thu 13/4/17: Bodeguita Cerrillo, Seville

Beer: Cruzcampo 5%

On previous visits we’ve stayed at an apartment just around the corner from this little (acutely angled) corner bar, and have popped in for first and/or last drinks. There’s room for half a dozen folk inside, at a push, and a similar number outside being served from bar window. We’re outside this afternoon and, mercifully at odds with other establishments today, it’s nice and quiet – just a couple of black widows* and their beaus.

It’s not a bad bar – there’s not enough room for it to go too far wrong. Very basic tapas and no religious or bull fighting flim flammery on the walls.

* A costume relating to Semana Santa: the women (of all ages) dress head to toe in black gowns, with elaborate head pieces. It may just be a Maundy Thursday thing – there certainly seemed to be a lot of them about that day.



No pictures

196. Thu 5/10/17: Restaurante Ibericos, Alicante

Beer: Alhambra 5%

On the same street at Sento, this place has pretentions of being a restaurant rather than a bar; but they have a couple of bar stools at the window. We sit on them and, eventually, get served (with beer and delicate tomato and anchovy toastie tapas). The beer is served in oversized wine glasses.

It's ok here, but the bar inside is very long – curving round into a restaurant where far more important customers apparently need attending too. Anyway, we very rarely see, let alone catch the eye, of the bar staff so we sup up and move on.

 

323. Mon 12/3/18: Casa Lazo, Cádiz

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%

From the market environs we carry on in a north easterly direction, at a tangent to our digs; passing a cinema (where we decide against seeing a film). We end up outside Casa Lazo, which appears to be more porcine restaurant than pub. Looking in, though, there is a bar area – so we venture inside.

It’s a thriving little place: the clientele this afternoon seem almost entirely made up of one or two extended families (the youngest members of which are far too noisy).

The bar seems to be trying very hard with its tapas, but nobody seems too interested. We get some complimentary olives, which does for us.

66. Sunday 160417: Enoteca El Arena, Mercado de Arenal, Seville

Beer: Cruzcampo 5%

Just round the corner from the Meeting Point (see no.65), but in the central aisle of the market; where the natural light streams in to illuminate the Rick Stein endorsed fish restaurant and this – the only other bar that’s open. It’s more wine than beer centric; bottled Cruzcampo the only concession to cerveza, but punters can sit up at the bar - which is a bonus.

On the little telly in the corner they’re showing bullfighting highlights. It’s fascinating and appalling in unequal measure. I am impressed by the Spanish peoples’ love affair with it, but the more I see (particularly the gory finales) the more bemusement/distaste increases and empathy fades.

199. Thu 5/10/17: Piazza Calle Labradores, Alicante

Beer: Mahou 5% 

We sit outside again, watching coverage of England v Slovenia World Cup Qualifier. It's a boring game, and after a while Steph gives up on it and wanders over to take a look inside the cathedral.

This bar is right on the Alicante tourist drag but A) there aren't many tourists about B) it's very reasonably priced C) it's a lovely spot right outside the cathedral and D) Carmen and her kids live metres away – within earshot of the buskers in this square, and the tips-bell at Sento, equidistant from her flat in the other direction. It really doesn't seem such a bad place to live...

We'd planned to pop round and visit Carmen, but she'd just put the kids to bed – and her flat had been hit by a power cut. Of course she might have just said that to avoid meeting us, we wouldn't blame her, but we were right outside when we called, and the whole building was dark... again, she could have asked a big favour of her neighbours and had everyone’s electric switched off.

So, with Carmen not out, we return to Piazza to watch England unexpectedly grab a last minute winner – and thereby win the right to ignominiously fail in the finals.

After that we return to the apartment, and the next day we return to Blighty (on the top deck of a 747 jumbo jet, to Gatwick, courtesy of Monarch having gone to the wall the day after they flew us out).

 

182. Mon 2/10/17: Café-Bar Vetusta, Benidorm

Beer: San Miguel 5%
One of the more significant reasons why Steph’s folks love Benidorm, I reckon, is that so many of their friends and acquaintances (mostly from Line Dancing circles, or rows) do too. That’s perfectly understandable – and what better than to spend extended holidays than in the sun with friends and family? I’m not entirely sold – but I can see the point.

Anyway, we’re out with a group of friends – it's Kim’s birthday. Steph and I don’t know Kim, and I do harbour doubts that we’ve ostensibly gatecrashed a family do. No, it’s fine, apparently, but I wouldn’t necessarily inflict a party of strangers to my dubious company for a few hours on their birthday. But, no, again, it’s fine. I haven’t written up the meal, ‘cause it’s a restaurant… I have a locally brewed beer, and the steak. Ice cream for dessert.

Post-meal we wander somewhat aimlessly en masse around the Old Town and, having accurately identified us as the incoherent gaggle of foreign tourists we are, we get set upon by the Vetusta hawker who corrals us to a table outside his employers’ bar.

We wouldn’t have picked it ourselves, but the beer was ok. The coffee (my shout, the coffee – happy birthday) wasn’t.

64. Sun 16/4/17: Bar Europa, Seville

Beer: Estrella Galicia 5%

After yesterday afternoons (thru to this mornings) unfortunate incident, it’s almost 14:30 before we’re back to “back in a bar” normality. After the trauma it’s hard to get into the mundanity of the cups.

The Bar Europa is a nice enough place though. It seems to harbour some memory toward a past age of decadence – Art Nouveau and/or Deco? – I don’t know. But it’s a nice quiet and relaxed pub on the corner of the bustling square round the corner from us.

It’s nice. Nice to be back although I, let alone Steph, am exhausted.

SA insight: Very traditional. Nice tiles.

80. Tue 1/4/17: La barro del teatro, Madrid

Beer: Mahou 5%

Right next door to the theatre in the square and apparently owned/staffed by Indians, which is odd but good to see.

Mind you, it is WAY too hot in here. The pub is wide and open (not airy), with a single bar pump serving Mahou.

Disappointingly the tapas are pretty standard fayre – would it be too much to suggest Indian food? I could kill a curry (upon my return to Blighty, I kill two in two days). There’s a smell of curry coming from somewhere – it smells lovely, and makes me feel homesick.

There are big queues for the theatre outside. Not sure what’s on – there are giant billboards for two shows outside (I should have photographed them). The queues die down by the time we depart.

 

361. Sun 18/3/18: Mariatrifulca, Seville

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%

Don’t be fooled, this is the rat bar. We saw rats around the riverbank – under the Triana Bridge - from this place a few years ago. This bar has been gentrified since – as, apparently, has Seville - I bet the rats have been asked to move on from this stretch of the Guadalquivir. Seville seems more affluent, generally, than a few years ago. There’s loads more tourists too.

Good for Seville, I suppose… we liked it a little more shambolic.

Is this a Cruzcampo tank pub now? I’m not sure, the bar area seemed to be bedecked in brass fittings. The seafood looked lovely… again, they could more than likely do without scumbags like us – only here for a beer – these days.

I forgot to take any pictures with my phone – something I only realised once we’d left – so the picture is a snap taken from the other side of the bridge. Mariatrifulca is the building partially obscured by the lamppost. That big window was the one from where we saw the aforementioned rats.

364. Sun 18/3/18: El Rinconcillo, Seville

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%

Still, after all these years, the oldest tapas bar in Seville. It’s quite packed in here, as usual, and all fried fish appears to be off the menu.

Love these creakingly aged places; places where the patina has patina… but it’s getting very crowded and the staff seem to be having trouble coping. It’s a pity. There’s another guided tour in here. The fact that English speaking parties are being herded into places we’re visiting, and being spoon-fed “local culture”, is getting ticklish. And painfully embarrassing: one can’t help listening in, learning a little, wincing a lot.

We should probably stick to places off the tourist track… there are some perfectly adequate, and empty, bars in the area (serving the same dull beer). But this is a fantastic place – I wouldn’t want to miss it. When in Seville, do as the tourists do – just try your best to avoid the rush.

We eventually get to order some squid – which is unremarkable. On my insistence we also get chickpeas and spinach which (and it’s not the same outside El Rinconcillo) is, for me, possibly the best tapas dish there is.

347. Fri 16/3/18: Pérez Santos Ventura, Seville

Beer: Cruzcampo 5.0%

The signs and the canopy say Bar Arenal Ventura – but Google Earth namecheck Pérez Santos.

Anyway, this is a small bar near the bullring. It’s quiet at the moment, but it’s looking pretty plush… actually, that goes for Seville itself. It seemed a bit run down, down on its heels a few years ago – it’s now looking far brighter and better maintained. There also seem to be far more tourists now than there was before – and that can’t just be down to easyJet's new route flying direct from Luton.

A group of a dozen or so blokes are having a whale of a time – and eventually start getting on my nerves. Steph suggests I stop being stupid, and get another round in.

This bar, this area generally, is fervent bullfighting territory – and walls are festooned with framed black and white shots of bulls and blokes in camp costume preparing to stick a sword into them.

187. Tue 3/10/17: La Cava Aragonesa, Benidorm

Beer: Mahou 5%

After a strangely bewildering wild goose chase (involving Steph’s folks, who aren’t going to meet us after all, and an apartment – which we can’t find – that they wanted us to look over on their behalf…) we end up back at the LCA. It’s nearing mid-afternoon.

This place is bright and bustling, and just a bit better in every respect from the local competition… anyway, the music is still too loud and cheesy… but what the heck.

This turns out to be our last visit to La Cava Aragonesa this time round.