304a. Fri 16/2/18: The Pineapple, Kentish Town, London

Beer: Dark Star Partridge 4.0%

A catch up with Stephen F and Michael J - who's over from Koln and spent what sounds like an excellent day gallery visiting and record shopping.

The Pineapple's one of my favourite pubs, but disappointing this evening. The front bar's packed. There are tables free on the left hand side towards the back room, but these are reserved and the back room itself closed for a private party. I appreciate that reserving tables probably works in the pub's and the locals' interest, but when you're sat in a table reserved a little while in the future, you feel like a criminal when it's time to be turfed out.

We leave after one drink, after having been asked to remove ourselves from reserved seats (the party typically turning up late) and suspecting that The Junction Tavern may be a better bet.

300b. Sat 10/2/18: The Bricklayers Arms, Luton

Beer: Banks & Taylor Crooked Hooker 4.7%

Late Saturday night pub, celebrating and blowing smoke for Lee after the Light/Shade event at Wardown House. To be fair, the boy done very good indeed, and he and Anna seem in good spirits.

Chat revolves around 'projects', nights, work and the pros and cons of various aspects connected to each of them. And poetry. We're joined by Lawrence who's interested in something going on where I work. And poetry.

Meanwhile, Al's soldering behind the bar, training a new recruit who can ease what appears to be something of a shortage of weekend help. It's fairly busy - standing room only, which is pretty good - and despite my reservations about B&T beer, the Hooker is pretty good. Fnarr.

298. Sat 3/2/18: The Bricklayers Arms, Luton

Beer: Shefford Plum Mild 3.8%

LUTON TOWN 1 EXETER CITY 0

The Six Nations rugby has started and the rugger buggers have the back bar (its only France v Ireland, so there aren’t too many of them). I grudgingly appreciate the rugby fans down the pub – their presence does change the atmosphere in the place, and not entirely detrimentally. Despite the apparent neanderthal nature of the game, those showing an interest seem largely better mannered than your average football fan.

Anyway, despite their being here, the pub doesn’t seem as packed as normal (though it’s standing room only).

The Hegleys are in – and I have my book to swap with John (he’s forgotten mine). Marcel and Paul are stood by the stairs (we’re at the back bar), and John starts reciting some of the haiku to them. Almost immediately he finds one with a four syllable opening line – so I correct his copy by inserting the word “big”*.

John goes on to find: a haiku that mentions him (which I wincingly suggest has a whiff of toadying about it) and a haiku he particularly likes. I wish I could have taped his reciting my “poetry” to his (increasingly bemused/irritated) family members.

Town win, and I get an ego massage to boot. Good day.

* we’re happy to provide this service to owners of Luton Haiku v5 but, on the off chance that we’re not around, please add the word yourself – the offending haiku is the one about the man who threw a pie at an opening match of the football season (so it’ll be sometime in August).

304. Thursday 15/2/18: The Bear Club. Mill Yard, 24A Guildford Street, Luton

Beer: Leighton Buzzard Smokin’ Angel 5.0%

Although Steph has deigned to accompany me to the latest Slow Night – it does seem quieter than normal. We put that down to it being half term, and the opening night of the Luton Beer Festival in Hightown.

CJ along too, as is a young fellow from the Vandalism Begins at Home fanzine. There’s issues of VB@H knocking about, there’s issues of Clod knocking about, conversation knocks about who does your printing, how many pages… fonts (probably)… it's Editor chat, largely beyond me.

I tentatively dip my toe into the DJ role again. That involves picking those tracks off my ipod least likely to offend, retain the ambiance, but being just a little bit different. My selections break all those rules – punk rocker that I am – immersing those few present into bored bemusement: the Alabama Sacred Harp Singers off of the Anthology of American Folk. Afterwards I attempt lifting the mood with a bit of Jacques Dutronc (doing his barnstorming “responsible man” bit) but it’s too little too late.

We leave a little bit after CJ, and a little bit before the Slow Night raffle.

300. Fri 9/2/18: The Bricklayers Arms, Luton

Beer: Banks & Taylor Crooked Hooker 4.7%

Arrive at pub to find Leighton in the back bar chatting to Wes, Leighton, as has already been mooted, is a sociable guy. Wes is a decent fellow too; when my brother returns from a Hat Factory screening of Duck Soup we embark on a brief conversation on early twentieth century European cinema ("Nosferatu, of course” is my contribution to that one), while Leighton runs through the classics that he owns on DVD, and has never watched.

He goes on to produce a filling, the size of a small pebble, he’s dislodged from a back tooth.

We play the quizzer, specifically Hangman, until the machine decides it doesn’t want to play anymore and crashes. Wes leaves soon after – having arranged on phone to meet his wife outside.

The conversation gets bawdier after Wes departs. Is fellatio acceptable for vegans?

We discuss how, not having seen him for so long – and his not looking well when we last did - that our old (very vague, and not un-problematic) acquaintance “No Offence” is probably no longer with us.

Plans for Knockouts (see above for last concert appearance, though now thankfully off the Mamas & Papas theme) is that, since we’ve never had – and are unlikely to get, a Radio 1 session, we ought to release a record as having originally been recorded as an Ethan Brains session for Radio 1. Not sure who came up with the name Ethan Brains, but it was funny at the time.

The beer is good, but too strong – I should have had gone for something a little weaker after the first couple, but didn’t… and I didn’t feel too well the following morning as a result.

298a. Sat 3/2/18: The Alma, London

Beer: One Mile End Temperance 3.5%

Just about make it for Anthony's birthday drinks, having cheered the Town on to a comfortable 1-0 victory over Exeter City, then felt decidedly knackered and a bit ill on the train. After reviving myself at St Pancras, it's a stroll up Pentonville Road in the rain, to Chapel Market. The pub's fairly quiet, although it gets busier later in the evening. There's a number of minor indie people from the olden days, most of whom are still playing in bands here and there.

Some chat with Ant, Rhodri, L8s, Elliot and Andrew. I've not spoken to either Elliot or Andrew before; they're both splendid fellows. The beer's much like the pub - there's more than a hint of hip'n'craft, but there's much to commend. Ant knows his 'pub stuff'. I stick to the Temperance throughout the evening; it's got a big flavour for 3.5%, which suits my delicate disposition.

308a. Sun 25/2/18: The Parcel Yard, London

Beer: Butcombe Rare Breed 3.8%; Fullers London Pride 4.1%

A Sunday evening and we find ourselves in Kings Cross, attracted by a tribute to the late Mark E. Smith and The Fall, up the road, U skinny rats. A decision is taken on the train down to try out Fullers' The Parcel Yard and we’re glad we did.

Housed in a curious roof space above the station itself (where throngs of Japanese and Italian fans of H. Potter are queuing to get themselves pictured in front of a sign saying “Platform 9 ¾”…. weird), the pub is made up of a number of large rooms separated by nicely preserved original wooden panels.  High vaulted ceilings and plenty of glass make it a bright, and despite the size, quite a cosy place. Food looked good (didn’t try it, mind) and a very varied range of beers.

Talk was largely centred around the genius of M.E.S. writing and music which made us eager to finish up quick and get to the venue. Will definitely return when we have more time and are next leaving the capitol.

305. Wed 21/2/18: The Frog & Rhubarb, Luton

Beer: Morland Old Speckled Hen 4.5%
Didn’t have any cash so, before entering the pub to ask if I could pay by card, had a sneaky look in to see what was on offer… what was on offer was GKIPA and OSH… not an inspiring choice; what’s more, I was spotted by bar staff and customers trying sneak the aforementioned peek – so just looked a bit odd.

Tried to call me Dad to suggest we give pub a miss, but he’s not answering – I meet him in Front Street. I suggest we give the pub a miss… he has an alternative suggestion – let’s not.

The beer is alright, actually, and I can pay by card – contactless, no less.

DGK is on good form and speaks on various topics, including: doorbells, John Bunyan, walking/rambling, his fondness for (but amusing allergies to) seafood - and popular mass produced cameras of the twentieth century.

My part in the conversation is minimal, but a retelling of my original anecdote no.16 “the tripe sausage in Calais story” presents a rare opportunity to say “piss” (as in “it smelt like…”) to a parent, without getting told off.

306. Fri 23/2/18: The Castle, Luton

Beer: Robinson’s Trooper 4.8%

A No-mates Friday – so I decide on some early post-gym pints on Market Hill; the very centre of town, which we’ve yet to bother with this survey. The Crown had nothing but GKIPA and Doom Bar on. The Red Lion looked too bright, too packed – I looked through the window to see two redundant real ale pins, with no clips on.

The Castle has changed quite a bit over the years – back in the 90s it was The White Hart (aka The Wet Fart), before going mock Irish and eventually becoming this “rockers” pub. Every town needs at least one of these; it used to be The Bridge, and to a lesser extent The George II (apologies if my local cultural history is out in this respect), and it’s here now.

Typically, it’s alright: I’m a vague supporter, not necessarily a subscriber, to this form of obstinately alternative boozer (it’s the same kind of commitment level, though £8pcm cheaper, that I afford The Bear). The clientele is nicely eclectic; leaning toward the grungy (and grungy through the ages – millennials to OAPs). Some characters seem to be trying too hard, notably the lass extravagantly showing off her latest tatts. Meanwhile an aged couple are sat amongst a pile of shopping bags. They’ve been to Boots. They also own a small dog which yaps and jumps up at folk returning from the lavs. Victims laugh it off and/or antagonise the wretched tuft o’fur and teeth still further – before skulking back to their corner of the pub, muttering anti-canine curses under their breath. Saw that a couple of times.

Yappy snappy dogs, doing their feisty thing, may be fleetingly amusing - but a pub’s better off without it. The music, which I would almost certainly have found distracting if/when very much louder, is inoffensively dialled down at 7pm. The beer, Iron Maiden’s branded brew, is very decent. The Castle’s alright.

299. Wed 7/2/18: The Frog & Rhubarb, Luton

Beer: Batemans Gold 3.9%
Trouble is, you see, although mindful that a few publess days during the week is a good thing – when my father suggests we meet in the boozer, it never seems a terrible idea. My change of gymnasia regime from March will sort that out…

In the meantime, Greene King are taking the allure off, after all the good things I’ve suggested lately, by a rather lacklustre midweek selection. It’s the above or GKIPA. There’s a Sharps beer clip on a pump – with one of those labels which says that the beer in conditioning in the cellar. That surely suggests at a lack of timing and/or enthusiasm. Anyway, though it’s not good news for the punter, there’s probably sound financial grounding in a hostelry trumpeting beers they cannot as yet provide.
The Batemans Gold is alright, bright and hoppy… if this was a Slip End session, I’d be looking to take it on to The Rizz – or even embark on that wander to the Working Mans’ Club which I keep thinking about. London Pride a standard, I’m led to believe.

Dad arrives eventually – my sister and niece in tow. Another pint is procured, and we’re treated to part/page one of The Scary Camping Story (what will become) a 500 word thriller. Risking spoilers; the girls in the story are excited, but Leah voices her concerns about bears. And beasts. My favourite character is the teacher, Miss Pam.

We sup up and, before Toad in the Hole part 2 (a relative triumph), we then start a “clearing some space in the loft” project.

296 Fri 2/2/18: The Jolly Topers, Luton

Beer: Leighton Buzzard Brewery Rebel Yell 5.0%

Post dental check-up (Stopsley Village practice) and, having decided against a trip to The Bear later, stop for a couple at the JTs. Actually this visit, on the walk back to High Town, was in the balance before I peered into the pub and saw A) unimpeded access to the bar (the Topers tends to get very packed, very early) and B) at the bar they were serving LB Rebel Yell.

Having bought a pint, where to stand – preferably sit – became an issue. Access to the quiz machine – very much impeded. The pub, typically, seems to be standing room only – and those few tables that weren’t in use had “Reserved” signs. Helpfully, however, on closer inspection, those reserved notices had a “vacate by” time on them. Fantastic idea – common in Czech, but I’ve never previously seen it in Round Green.

So now I had a seat, and it then appeared that the bar service has also gained an Iberian twist. No gratis tapas, of course, but having bought a second pint I seem to have been issued a dog.

Pleasant little scamp – belonging to a young bloke on the table behind. Frankly he/she appeared interested in anyone who’d who show him/her attention – I apparently did a good little stroking stint, and he/she sat at my feet for a minute or two. Charming.

The atmosphere in the Topers is typically loud and convivial, and table space becomes an ever pressing issue as I’m finishing up. A party, who had reserved a table, dislodge a family – and I offer my table to them. They appear to be leaving anyway, but are profuse in their gratitude – as are the ladies who, when I do get up to leave, hurriedly descend on the table… which is reserved, by Charlotte, in a little less than an hour.

Great local pub… great locals, apparently. I’m also noticing an improving range of beer available at Greene King pubs – providing very decent alternative to their awful IPA and Abbott.

296a Fri 2/2/18 The Bear Club, Luton

Beer: Pope's Yard Luminaire 3.9%


First 2018 trip to The Bear Club after its brief hibernation. Joined by J Hackson of Clod Magazine to watch Clark Tracey and his very youthful quintet who acquit themselves with some aplomb. Pete's in and he and Hackson chat some about their visit to The Bear earlier in the week, where they attended Luton Music Club's Holocaust Memorial concert. Otherwise, the club's a little slow to fill and seems to have started emptying before the end of Tracey's set. A little strange; the music, atmosphere and beer are all first rate.


There were a couple of nattering skinhead gentlemen in, aged in their 50s and sat right in front of us, but they were gracious enough when glared at and apologised for their quiet racket.

The Luminaire was lively and pleasant and entirely out of keeping with W*tford, where it was brewed. I proceeded, however, to run through a few Leighton Buzzard brews afterwards.